Good Me Up in Heaven
by moffwithhishead
Summary: Chuck loves all of his children, honestly he does - but these two motherfuckers are getting ridiculous. [destiel, one-shot, language; aka God is tired of his OTP being dumb and not getting it. Takes place in canonverse before or after 8x17, take your pick.]


_You know what's crippling? Chuck feelings. They're crippling and all encompassing. And poor Chuck, he just wants these dumbasses to figure it out._

_Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. Dammit._

* * *

The last time they saw Chuck was… Jesus, it was before Sam went to Hell.

And now Dean's standing in the organic isle at a supermarket in the middle of nowhere Iowa (because **_somebody_** is too delicate to eat a regular burger) with the apparently not dead prophet standing in front of Dean wearing all white… Dean wishes he could say that he's seen weirder. "Chuck?"

"Hello Dean." He sounds different; more calm and self-assured and definitely sober, "Can we talk for a minute?" Dean shrugged and looked around for Sam, "Uh, yeah, I guess." He set the box he'd been holding back on the shelf and walked over to Chuck, "So where you been, man? Gettin' your life in order now that you're not a prophet anymore?" Chuck smiled a little and shook his head fondly, like Dean had asked him why the sky was blue instead of purple, "You could say that." The hunter shrugged off the vagueness of the comment, "Uh, okay. Why'd you want to talk? Something wrong?" Generally when people from their past found them, something was wrong.

Chuck gave him a knowing smile and put a hand on Dean's shoulder, transporting them to the same dock that Cas had met him on in a dream many years ago, "I came to talk to you about Castiel."

"You're kidding me right?" Dean pushed the shorter man's hand off of his shoulder and took a step away from him, "So what, are you an angel now? Or were you an angel this whole time and just fucking with us?" This was bullshit. First the asshole just disappears on them for years, doesn't let them know if he's dead or alive or what, and then he comes back, **_suddenly_** has fucking angel powers and wants to talk about Cas? "We thought you were dead man. Hell, _Cas_ thought you were dead."

"If you want to get technical about it Dean, I have never actually been alive," he smiled a little smugly and started walking towards the house that the dock was built off of. "Nor have I ever been an angel myself, though my children are some of my finest work… not as good as book three of the Supernatural series though. I was really proud of that one." Chuck turned to look at the frozen Dean at the end of the dock and smiled, "If you're looking for an invitation, this is your dream, remember?"

What the… "**Your** _children?_ _Your_ **children**? Are you…" Dean's eyes got really wide as his brain processed this new information, "Jesus Christ, are **_you_**God, Chuck?"

Chuck's smile was answer enough for the hunter before he started screaming at him, "**_Are you fucking kidding me?!_** So God was right there for the apocalypse THE WHOLE DAMN TIME AND YOU DID **NOTHING**? You wrote a book series about me and my kid brother where people thought we were banging each other?! _YOU LET ME GET SENT TO HELL!? _**_YOU LET SAMMY GET SENT TO HELL?!_** YOU LET ME AND CAS GET SENT TO PURGATORY?! YOU LET THE LEVIATHANS ESCAPE?! YOU LET WHATEVER THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH CAS HAPPEN TOO?!" There was maybe an inch between his and Chuck's noses as Dean growled his last question, "Give me one good reason to not kill you right here."

The smug dick laughed condescendingly and Dean almost shot him right there. Chuck smiled easily at Dean, "Haven't you wondered why I keep bringing Castiel back to you?"

"I…" the hunter frowned at him, still mad but now just really confused, "No? Not really? I mean… no?" Chuck laughed again, this time sounding more like he pitied Dean, "You know, none of that was supposed to happen. The apocalypse, you going to Hell, Sam going to Hell, Bobby, Cas dying, Purgatory, the Leviathans…" He shrugged and turned to look out over the lake, "None of that was a part of my plans. I wanted you guys to be happy and to thrive, Dean. All of you, not just you and Sam. I believe a wise man once said that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans…"

Dean narrowed his eyes at Chuck's profile, "Did you just quote John Lennon?" He grinned and chuckled before looking back at Dean, "See, _this_ is what I love about humans. I just told you some of the universe's biggest secrets and all that you took away from that was the Lennon quote." Chuck's smile looked a little smug again, "He got that from me you know. Went to him in a dream one night."

Okay his life was officially the weirdest thing to ever happen in the universe ever and there's no way in hell it could actually get weirder, "Why did God go visit John Lennon's dreams? I mean, didn't you have a world to be concerned about?" Chuck sighed and rolled his eyes before looking back out over the lake, "Humans have a tendency to procrastinate. I am older than time itself but even I don't have the patience to wait for a new Beatles record, Dean." He stared at Chuck somewhat incredulously, "So… God is a Beatles' fan?"

"Don't ask stupid questions."

_He sounds like Cas_… Dean cleared his throat and tried not to think about his angel, "Sorry, it's just… why the hell are you here Chuck? Or God or Jehovah or whatever you want to be called?" Chuck smiled and glanced back at the house they were standing in the backyard of, "The name you knew me by on earth is fine Dean. And I already told you, I'm here to talk to you about Castiel. Your angel as you so affectionately call him."

"Right, why you keep giving him back to me or uh…" Dean shuffled awkwardly and turned to look out over the lake, "Whatever." Chuck sighed, "You are so intelligent, why do you insist on being so… _chintzy_ with your vocabulary choices? I understand why you have downplayed your intelligence in the past but man, come on, you're talking to God and you've said 'uh whatever' like six times. As a writer, I'm offended by your lack of creativity." Dean glared at him, "Are we really going to have this conversation now? I thought there was important angel business or whatever you needed to tell me."

Chuck returned the glare and Dean felt like the wrath of God was about to rain down on him (which oh shit it literally could), "Alright, I was going to be nice and gentle about it but I forgot that you're kind of an asshole so here goes: You're in love with an angel." Dean opened his mouth to protest and Chuck held his hand up, his expression turning from wrathful to just plain old annoyed and frustrated, "And Castiel is in love with you,**_moron_**! I mean good me up in Heaven above, what the hell does a guy have to do around here to get you two to realize that you're crazy about each other?! How many times do I have to bring you both back to life before you just admit it?!"

…Alright, it got weirder. Dean sputtered for a second, his immediate gut reaction kicking in, "What?! I'm not… I mean, he's not… we're not in love with each other, okay. We're just… friends." Chuck ignored him and continued, "I mean seriously, I bring the guy back from Purgatory and nothin'?! No welcome home hug, no kiss, no 'Thank fuck you're alive'?! I set you up with that damn motel room and I made sure that Cas actually told you how he felt about Heaven and not lie to you like he wanted to and you just don't even say anything?! No 'Hey man, do that and I'll bring you back to life just so I can kill you again'? No 'I can't live without you'?!" He threw up his hands, "I mean for fuck's sake Dean, he saved you from Hell! I feel like that kind of resolves your whole 'but he's a dude, but I like dudes, but he's an angel, fuck I don't want to go to Hell again' debacle!"

"Whoa…" Dean held up both hands and smiled a little, trying to calm Chuck down, "Dude I think you spent a little too much time with Becky…" He got another glare in response but continued anyway, "Listen… Chuck," it felt really weird calling him that now, "I don't know if you've noticed but me and Cas aren't exactly on the best of terms right now… dude's been ignoring me for a… long time. It's complicated, right?"

Chuck sighed and stared at Dean for a second before turning to look at the house with his back facing the hunter, "What do you notice about this house?"

Small but nice. Kid's toys all over the front yard. Devil's traps carved into different things around the house, salt on the inside sill of the front windows… a mailbox at the end of a driveway with the… "Who the hell is driving Baby and why are they parking her in front of this hunter's house?" Chuck sighed again like he was trying to remind himself that being oblivious wasn't a good enough reason to smite Dean, "Just remember that this is your dream from not long after you first met Castiel. No one except yourself has ever touched this dream."

* * *

_Castiel got out of the driver's seat of the Impala and opened up the back passenger door with a genuine grin that Dean had never seen on his angel's face before. Then Dean saw the dream him get out of the car with a little girl asleep in his arms, "Maybe we shouldn't let Sammy babysit her anymore. I've never seen her conk out so fast." The dream Cas laughed and quietly shut the door behind them and real-Dean caught a flash of a wedding band on his finger, "Sam loves her almost as much as we do, I'm sure she's just exhausted from playing."_

_Dream-Dean sighed, "Yeah well, we haven't seen her in like a week baby, I missed her." Dream-Cas kissed Dream-Dean's cheek and they stared into each other's eyes for a moment before his angel spoke, "I missed her too but you know what this means…?" Dream-Dean grinned and leaned over to kiss dream-Cas properly, "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking…"_

_"Shower sex," dream-Cas grinned and dream-Dean laughed so loud he almost woke their kid up. "See, **this** is why I married you."_

* * *

"We…" Dean cleared his throat and walked back to the end of the dock. He knew Chuck was behind him without having to look, "Why have I never seen that part of the dream before?" Chuck stood next to him and sighed, "You're scared that you don't deserve that. You don't think you deserve to be happy." Neither man said anything for a couple minutes until Chuck broke the silence, "That first night in the barn when Castiel introduced himself to you, he said 'You don't think you deserve to be saved. Good things do happen, Dean.' He wasn't talking about raising you from perdition, you know. Good things happen all the time and he was supposed to be that good thing for you guys. When I figured out what the angels had been planning it was too late to stop it so I created Castiel."

Dean laughed a little bitterly and shook his head, "You make it sound like we're soul mates or something." Chuck smiled and looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye, "Or something is good. There's never been anything like you two, Dean. My intent was not for you to fall in love with him but for you to finally have a friend that you could trust. You deserved that much and more but it was all I could give you at the time."

"Okay… so I'm in love with Cas, I have been for years and apparently he's in love with me…" Dean nodded and looked back at Chuck, "That's great and everything man, seriously, but right now? Something's wrong and the Cas that's been ignoring me, he can't be my Cas. So I appreciate the little epiphany but it's kind of worth shit right now."

"Her name is Naomi."

He blinked at Chuck, "That's one hell of a nonsequitor man but what the fuck does that have to do with - " The shorter man rolled his eyes, "Look, if I go back to Heaven? I'm done for. I will lose it and you think the Apocalypse was gonna be bad? You should see me when I haven't slept for a thousand years. I don't know why she's doing it, but an angel named Naomi is controlling Cas and erasing his memories of it. From what I could find out she's tortured him in the past and is probably torturing him now. I can't do anything without this turning into something that it doesn't need to be, okay?"

Dean stared at him, somewhere between shocked and pissed off and grateful, "What are you saying, Chuck?"

Chuck held Dean's gaze and stepped forward so he was in the hunter's personal space, "I'm saying that if you ever tell anyone, even Sam, that I told you this I will personally smite you, comprende amigo?" Dean nodded and let God tell him the location of the angel tablet, how to use it to get into Heaven and what they would need to save Cas.

The next thing he knew they were back in the supermarket and he was walking over to Sam who was at the end of the isle waiting for him. "Oh and Dean?" Chuck waited until he turned around to continue, "If you don't tell him now, I'm going to make good on my promise anyway." He was gone before Dean could even judge if he was serious or not.

"Who was that?" Sam was looking down the isle with a frown, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah Sammy… we, uh…" He grinned up at his baby brother, "I know how we can save Cas."


End file.
